Week 6 Recap

Another week of fantasy football in the books and it’s been a tough week for your boy here. Basically broke up a fight at school and single handedly saved America’s youth (not all heroes wear capes), then I locked my keys in the car on the way to the dentist (cost me $70), and had to watch the abomination that was the last Presidential debate. ROUGH week. So yeah blogs coming out a little late this week and but don’t worry I’ve had pizza for my last 3 meals I’m firing on all cylinders. The only thing that will be hotter than the takes in this blog is Trump’s sass game…

In other news me and Conroy are co-managing a fantasy basketball team and I don’t wanna brag but we drafted probably the greatest team in the history of teams and drafts. We’ve had the team for 3 days and Conroy already knows more of the guys on the team than he does his fantasy football team so we are in GREAT shape. But it’s Week 6 and things are heating up! There’s tension everywhere…whether it’s me and Conroy getting into a war of words of real life fantasy sports (#domesticdispute), H hitting his mid-season crabbiness groove, Michael’s continuous fisting of the waiver wire, or Ben’s refusal to stop bitching about how the entire human race is against him. Well there is only one way to handle this kind of tension and it’s not to rub one out…

LOVE IT.

Rank Team W-L-T Pts For Pts Agnst Streak Waiver Moves
1 Bronco Trolley 6-0-0 767.62 616.64 W-6 7 4
2 MoreDuuudes! 5-1-0 698.64 679.98 W-2 4 14
3 Saved by Odell 4-2-0 697.32 692.22 L-1 3 7
4 Bag of Tricks šŸ‘‰šŸ‘œšŸ‘€ 3-3-0 738.36 750.54 L-1 9 16
5 HoneyFunchessOfOats 3-3-0 692.78 713.18 W-1 10 22
6 Overkill Killers 2-4-0 768.00 759.84 W-1 6 9
7 Harambe Did 9/11 2-4-0 741.66 753.80 L-2 8 6
8 Multiple Scoregasms 2-4-0 700.10 674.08 W-1 5 20
9 Pray the Forte Away 2-4-0 653.70 723.30 L-1 2 5
10 JPP’s Finger Bang 1-5-0 642.92 737.52 L-3 1 5

Multiple Scoregasms vs. Saved by Odell

Get.It.Girl. In a battle of former roommies and possibly lovers Michael laid the motherfucking smackdown on PJ. Michael’s team went BANANAS with 3 guys scoring 20+ (Matty Ryan, Julio Jones, and Christine Michael) and also got solid games from Michael Thomas (16.3) and Cameron Meredith (16.8). I think Michael’s figured out how to get his team rolling…start as many guys as he can that have Michael in their name. Kids found the secret sauce. As for PJ, outside of Brees (32.6), Coby Fleener (22.6), and Zeke Elliott (18.4) it was a tough go of it. Injuries appear to finally be catching up to him as Decker, Watkins, Hyde, and Royal have all gone down. Brutal for PJ, great for Michael.

Overkill Killers vs. Pray the Forte Away

CAM!!! Got a whole 26.98 points! The rest of Conroy’s squad…eehhhhh…uuuuhhhh…not.the.best. Dick Hopkins (11.6) was the only other guy on the squad that hit double figures. Let’s hope (for my sake) Conroy’s saving his fantasy brilliance for our fantasy basketball squad. Conroy’s 2nd highest scorer was Tyrod…on his bench getting 19.96 which is just more proof that Conroy only knows how to win in 2 QB leagues. As for Ben he got a much needed win in the same way we built this great nation…on the backs of black people who we make do stuff for us. McCoy (32.7) went absolutely bonkers and is having an MVP type season. Who would’ve thought Rex firing the Offensive Coordinator was actually the right decision. Maybe Conroy should look into doing that for his team. Live look at Ben’s excited face after winning last week…

Bag of Tricks vs. Bronco Trolley

Sonofabitch. Really thought I had him. Brady went nuts for 27.24, JStew went for 20.5. Had 3 other guys in double figures. Then that motherfucking cunt ODB and his fag hair had to run untouched through the Ravens pathetic secondary. All they had to do was not let him score twice from over 50 yards away. Don’t think that’s too much to ask, cause outside of ODB (36.2) the rest of Chris’s squad was very pedestrian. Hear’s hoping my co-manager (aka advanced scout) in fantasy basketball can finally give Chris an L. But after 6 weeks I think I’ve finally figured out Chris’s team philosophy…

HoneyFunchessOfOats vs. Harambe Did 9/11

What a matchup. There was A LOT of hype going into this one since we all know the torrid, violent history between Asia and the Caribbean islands. So I can confidently speak for everyone when I say we all were excited to see the next chapter in his storied rivalry. Pllus it was a battle of who needs their appendix less. Good news for H he finally played the right QB (Stafford 28.2). Bad news for H he still lost. Other than Stafford, H had 4 dudes with about 11 points…Green, Bernard, Graham, and his kicker Tucker. H’s squad appears to be all boom or bust and unfortunately for him they’ve bust much more than they’ve boomed. As for skinny Brian it was all about Lamar Miller (31.3) who ran wild in an awful game against the Colts and Brandin Cooks (27) who torched Brian’s beloved, yet awful Panthers. #BadHombres

More Duuudes! vs. JPP’s Finger Bang

Poor Kyle, guy just can’t buy a win. Kid got monster games from Dick Johnson (33.3) and Terrance West (26.3) but after that he only had 2 other guys in double figures (Wilson and Bailey). It’s been a rough 6 weeks for Kyle since Golden Tate sucked and then when he finally went off he was on his bench, while Wilson has not been great on the field, for Kyle’s team, or in the bedroom (just ask Ciara). Meanwhile Anthony continues to defy all of the laws of the universe and keeps winning. Guy had 3 duuudes score over 20 points…Luck, White, and Gronk which was more than enough to murder Kyle all the while Gronk was dancing on his grave…

C’Mon Son!

This weeks C’Mon Son!Ā goes to the entireĀ Playoffs!? Are You Kidding Me league.

  • We’ve let newbie Chris run rough-shot over the league going 6-0 all while he’s in Spain hobnobbing with Europeans
  • Anthony’s currently in the playoffs appears to be “good” at fantasy which isn’t supposed to happen
  • PJ’s entire team is either on the IR or 3 steps away from slipping in the shower and being out for the year
  • I’ve lost TWICE to teams where guys have gone bananaland all over me (fuck you ODB and Julio)
  • Brian lost hisĀ appendix thereby lowering the appendix diversity of the league to zero since our Dominican already lost his…so thanks for that Brian
  • Ben has scored the most points in the league and is 2-4 and WILL NOT shut the fuck up about it (cannot stress this enough)
  • H pretended to be moving and then made us all as sad as him that he wasn’t
  • Michael has sneakily went back to his strategy of a few years ago when he drafted 3 TEs in the first 6 rounds by carrying 3 TEs on his roster (Reed, Bennett, Rudolph)
  • Conroy can’t stop, won’t stop starting guys that get 0 points and is in a race to the finish with PJ to get the most guys on IR
  • And lastly, Kyle has had his worst fantasy football season since joining the league…not sure what’s changed in his life sinceĀ September 4th, 2016…I’m not a conspiracy theory guy (I’m a connect the dots guy)…hmmmm

To close the State of the Union…let me sum up…

Seven blessings to you all for Week 7.

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